Thursday, June 25, 2009
women my age
Don't fall in love.
How am i tired of useless fucking already at 20?
sluts and condoms don't make a night fun.
I miss the comfort of intimacy, I miss finding the special girls blonde hairs tangled in mine, I miss laying next to someone afterwards and it not being awkward or fake.
I guess what i'm saying is i kind of miss a decent relationship.
(and as soon as i typed that a flurry of memories sprang up)
as always a stomach ache ensues, i never thought panic attacks, anxiety were real, until i started having them.
where is my mind...
How am i tired of useless fucking already at 20?
sluts and condoms don't make a night fun.
I miss the comfort of intimacy, I miss finding the special girls blonde hairs tangled in mine, I miss laying next to someone afterwards and it not being awkward or fake.
I guess what i'm saying is i kind of miss a decent relationship.
(and as soon as i typed that a flurry of memories sprang up)
as always a stomach ache ensues, i never thought panic attacks, anxiety were real, until i started having them.
where is my mind...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
o6/24/09ly
today was insane
the crew is back together.
i love music. more than alot of people due.
i study it, breathe it, live it. i love it.
the crew is back together.
currently listening to blue scholars bayani.
its amazing.
fuck you
the crew is back together.
i love music. more than alot of people due.
i study it, breathe it, live it. i love it.
the crew is back together.
currently listening to blue scholars bayani.
its amazing.
fuck you
Little kids in costume.
I'm having a good day.
thats two in a row.
I'm having a good day.
hopefully more will follow.
I'm having a good day.
filled with growth and less hollow.
I'm having a good day.
no need to blog or wallow.
Monday, June 22, 2009
great day
today was great. woke up feeling sloggish from last night.
but today turned into a great day.
bucky lasek came to my job today and was a total douche bag to everyone. that was awesome, im glad he has that attitude, it shows that he's just him self, he wasnt acting like he was tony hawk or some well paid skater, just an asshole vert kid.
i figured out today skateing with some friends that i'm definently in my second child hood.
i skated, shitty at that, but it was just fun having a good time at the park.
now im drinking beer and listneing to one of my favorite instrumentals.
good shit.
but today turned into a great day.
bucky lasek came to my job today and was a total douche bag to everyone. that was awesome, im glad he has that attitude, it shows that he's just him self, he wasnt acting like he was tony hawk or some well paid skater, just an asshole vert kid.
i figured out today skateing with some friends that i'm definently in my second child hood.
i skated, shitty at that, but it was just fun having a good time at the park.
now im drinking beer and listneing to one of my favorite instrumentals.
good shit.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
i've got bad brains
yesterday wasn't that bad, possibly found the next house to live in which i like alot.
its a two story town house, something i've wanted for a long time. i hope we get it.
anyway
i have the first fugazi record, it is bright red and simply says fugazi in black on the top and has a dope pic of the lead singer on the front. it's prolly one of my favorite records right now.
its so beautiful, and its been spun like once. its so clean and perfect. where ever we move to im going to think out the best possible comfort zone in my room.
im not jsut gonna move a bunch of shit into my room and change it around fifty times.
i'm growing up and turning into my parents by the day.
I'm growing bitter, for some odd reason.
bitter and i'm getting filled to the brim with apathy, for my well being and body.
and florida hxc kids are fucking weird. this band called away with you was dope as fuck live. and no one was doing anything for them, not even moving. i couldnt help myself i had to. and then kdis got pissed off, there not used to the way that kids up north "mosh" haha.
way harder than any fuck in this town.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
loyalty
been a couple days.
i've been lazy.
today i woke up
chopped up some samples and made two new beats. they could be better but theyll do for now.
i watched the hangover today. which wasn't a very good or funny movie. but maureen was there so it was cool. we ate five guys, and it was delicious.
theres this spot at the movie theaters i'm going to skate, its a huge perfect fucking gap, nothing is wrong with it.
i cant wait.
i've been lazy.
today i woke up
chopped up some samples and made two new beats. they could be better but theyll do for now.
i watched the hangover today. which wasn't a very good or funny movie. but maureen was there so it was cool. we ate five guys, and it was delicious.
theres this spot at the movie theaters i'm going to skate, its a huge perfect fucking gap, nothing is wrong with it.
i cant wait.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
06/14/09
i stood behind a counter today fo 8 hours,
i watched the rest of dewey cox, and it was hilarious.
my job is good, but i feel like i'm in a place where i should fit in but i don't, everyday is still more awkward than it should be.
i may be homeless soon, hopefully not.
i have a new cd out, which is ok. but nothing i would call special, new or innovative.
late night skating is killing me. no room to grow.
no woman can touch me, like she did. no woman probably ever will.
i ate two bambinos, half a burrito, and a slice of pizza today.
my hands and feet feel strange.
i'm growing a hatred for alot of things again.
i'm starting to turn into a ball again.
i'm starting to hate alot of things again.
days feel very long and short, and very repititive
i'd like to know what i'm doing wrong.
i hate getting compliments but no further steps in my endeavors.
i want to call in to work.
i don't want to be there.
i don't want to be anywhere.
i just want to sleep.
i've been having nightmares that are to realistic. i am very afraid of what is around the bend.
i feel like there are only a couple of people i can trust these days,
every one has something going for them.
but i feel like i work the hardest with no results.
i have stopped working.
i havent created in days now.
i should be sleep
instead i am bitching.
i wish it would just hurry up and end.
no one undestands me. or it.
i watched the rest of dewey cox, and it was hilarious.
my job is good, but i feel like i'm in a place where i should fit in but i don't, everyday is still more awkward than it should be.
i may be homeless soon, hopefully not.
i have a new cd out, which is ok. but nothing i would call special, new or innovative.
late night skating is killing me. no room to grow.
no woman can touch me, like she did. no woman probably ever will.
i ate two bambinos, half a burrito, and a slice of pizza today.
my hands and feet feel strange.
i'm growing a hatred for alot of things again.
i'm starting to turn into a ball again.
i'm starting to hate alot of things again.
days feel very long and short, and very repititive
i'd like to know what i'm doing wrong.
i hate getting compliments but no further steps in my endeavors.
i want to call in to work.
i don't want to be there.
i don't want to be anywhere.
i just want to sleep.
i've been having nightmares that are to realistic. i am very afraid of what is around the bend.
i feel like there are only a couple of people i can trust these days,
every one has something going for them.
but i feel like i work the hardest with no results.
i have stopped working.
i havent created in days now.
i should be sleep
instead i am bitching.
i wish it would just hurry up and end.
no one undestands me. or it.
Friday, June 12, 2009
you comedians
the joke is over.
i've fallen into something weird, something kinda of strange.
i've fallen out of love with women, i'm afraid they've finally got through.
don't get me wrong, some of you are still gorgeous but i know how it all ends. even if your good to me my entire life, your still going to die, and pretty much hit me with everything bad you could've done to me.
i think i'm dieing, and not in the sense of some emotional bout.
i find comfort in drugs and cigarettes, not people, i feel like there puppets.
i dont really feel anything from people anymore, some people i do, but for the most part i feel ridiculous.
i just feel strange, i feel like everyday is wasted.
but then i actually start thinking, my job is great, i'm looked up to by little skater kids, i come home to good friends, i eat everyday, even though its not the full amount, but im still eating.
i'm an idiot i almost let emotions get the best of me.
emotions are the true evil in life. there the only thing that can actually get you down.
but i still like drugs, and girls are ok.
i've fallen into something weird, something kinda of strange.
i've fallen out of love with women, i'm afraid they've finally got through.
don't get me wrong, some of you are still gorgeous but i know how it all ends. even if your good to me my entire life, your still going to die, and pretty much hit me with everything bad you could've done to me.
i think i'm dieing, and not in the sense of some emotional bout.
i find comfort in drugs and cigarettes, not people, i feel like there puppets.
i dont really feel anything from people anymore, some people i do, but for the most part i feel ridiculous.
i just feel strange, i feel like everyday is wasted.
but then i actually start thinking, my job is great, i'm looked up to by little skater kids, i come home to good friends, i eat everyday, even though its not the full amount, but im still eating.
i'm an idiot i almost let emotions get the best of me.
emotions are the true evil in life. there the only thing that can actually get you down.
but i still like drugs, and girls are ok.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
dream land
my dream today was insane.
i went back to high school but it was not colonial forge, it was the high school i went to when i was in Georgia.
i looked exactly like i look now and all the black kids were laughing and teasing me as i went bye,
this time instead of mean mugging and being quiet, i was very much like myself today and i laughed it off and even joked and egged some of it on. i went to class and realized that i had failed every class i was in. which made me feel a little awkward.
i just didn't care, which isn't to much out of the ordinary. i just felt very weird because out of nowhere i was back in school. a couple kids that i remembered from that school were there to and we all dapped hands as we passed each other.
out of nowhere i'm out side on a field in recess, and i'm alone by a fence, pretty much like how gym used to be in highschool. all of a sudden i start running and these kids next to me are playing some game thats a mixture between football, and baseball and they kept calling it kick ball.
as i'm running i get pumpbled by atleast 7 footballs that send me hurtling to the ground. I'm in pain but i get up and the game continues to go on. out of nowhere i run into my old coach from middle school. mr.baker, says long time no see, and we begin to talk for a little bit, he ask meif i want to join his team, he says the way i run is excellent and alot better than most of the kids on his team already. i tell him i have to think about it but the entire time i know i''m not going to join a sports team, i shake his hand and tell him that i'm doing music now, and he nods his head. i run up a hill, much like the one in my old middle school and end up in middle school again.
except for i'm still my same age. nuuge jeremy and someone else are standing in a small circle near the corner of the school and all the busses take off, leaving us there. i start telling nuuge whats going on and he interupts me and says theres a hole in your teeth, why aren't your teeth moving. i look at jeremy who is sitting down with a smile on his face and i say nuuge teeth dont move only mouths do. then it got quiet. i turn to look at the bus ramp and a bus is puling up, i feel really sad because it doesn't seem like my friends anymore, kinda like when i got back from georgia in 12th grade. i feel really alone and as the bus comes around the corner i turn to look at mr.baker and his team still playing the sport. except for the field is very far away. i am very very sad and then i wake up.
i went back to high school but it was not colonial forge, it was the high school i went to when i was in Georgia.
i looked exactly like i look now and all the black kids were laughing and teasing me as i went bye,
this time instead of mean mugging and being quiet, i was very much like myself today and i laughed it off and even joked and egged some of it on. i went to class and realized that i had failed every class i was in. which made me feel a little awkward.
i just didn't care, which isn't to much out of the ordinary. i just felt very weird because out of nowhere i was back in school. a couple kids that i remembered from that school were there to and we all dapped hands as we passed each other.
out of nowhere i'm out side on a field in recess, and i'm alone by a fence, pretty much like how gym used to be in highschool. all of a sudden i start running and these kids next to me are playing some game thats a mixture between football, and baseball and they kept calling it kick ball.
as i'm running i get pumpbled by atleast 7 footballs that send me hurtling to the ground. I'm in pain but i get up and the game continues to go on. out of nowhere i run into my old coach from middle school. mr.baker, says long time no see, and we begin to talk for a little bit, he ask meif i want to join his team, he says the way i run is excellent and alot better than most of the kids on his team already. i tell him i have to think about it but the entire time i know i''m not going to join a sports team, i shake his hand and tell him that i'm doing music now, and he nods his head. i run up a hill, much like the one in my old middle school and end up in middle school again.
except for i'm still my same age. nuuge jeremy and someone else are standing in a small circle near the corner of the school and all the busses take off, leaving us there. i start telling nuuge whats going on and he interupts me and says theres a hole in your teeth, why aren't your teeth moving. i look at jeremy who is sitting down with a smile on his face and i say nuuge teeth dont move only mouths do. then it got quiet. i turn to look at the bus ramp and a bus is puling up, i feel really sad because it doesn't seem like my friends anymore, kinda like when i got back from georgia in 12th grade. i feel really alone and as the bus comes around the corner i turn to look at mr.baker and his team still playing the sport. except for the field is very far away. i am very very sad and then i wake up.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
DEAD DAYS IN FLORIDA.
is finished
and in my hand
but only can be gotten by seeing me live or maybe ordering it from me.
fuck the internet
some will hold true to the d.i.y. ethic.
bout to go play resident evil 4 because its entertaining as fuck.
i say fuck alot
i still have a headache.
life is about to take either a terrible twist for the worst or go really good.
lets hope for that second one huh.
and in my hand
but only can be gotten by seeing me live or maybe ordering it from me.
fuck the internet
some will hold true to the d.i.y. ethic.
bout to go play resident evil 4 because its entertaining as fuck.
i say fuck alot
i still have a headache.
life is about to take either a terrible twist for the worst or go really good.
lets hope for that second one huh.
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